I knew when I hadn't heard back from my doctor Friday night that things were not okay. I think often times we don't trust our gut, but mine is usually right, so I have learned to trust it. I had been telling David that something was wrong the night before, but, always being the optimist, he disagreed. Sometimes I think he knows I am right, but I think he thinks he has to say positive because I usually start to fall apart.
This morning I got a call from Doctor Diaz. He called to inform us that after surgery yesterday, the embryologists had determined that I had 5 viable eggs. That is a lot less than 13-21 like he had initially anticipated. My heart sunk.
He then let us know that the embryologists took the other, underdeveloped eggs and did a process called maturation. By doing this, they were able to scientifically mature 9 more of my eggs. So, I now have a total of 14 mature eggs, although the first 5 seem to be of better quality since they did not need scientific intervention.
And then the doctor delivered the final, devastating blow. The sperm sample that was given was poor. It was of low quality. In other words, the morphology and motility was bad. Our outcome does not look good.
I knew it. I knew something was wrong. My heart broke. My heart IS broken. This is it. This is our last chance. There is nothing after IVF. We are out of options.
Our doctor says he will update us daily with what is going on in the lab. The situation has become so desperate, he made the executive decision to fertilize all eggs.
It looks bad.
I am devastated.
This was it.
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