Uterine Biopsy #2

Sooo...My second uterine biopsy was Friday.

Let's go all the way back to Thursday night to start though...Thursday night was fun.  It was my last shot.  I have been taking these shots for 3 months.  I had been waiting for the day that I would be taking my last shot.  I was like a giddy child.  All I could think was..."no more bleeding...no more poking...no more bruises...no more panic attacks...no more painful walking.  No more. No more. NO MORE!!!"  eeeeeeekkkk! :)

Then after I was done with my shot, I celebrated.  And then of course, like a baby and true to form, I started to get really nervous for the biopsy the following morning.  I did pretty well though.  But I will say, and I say this everytime, so I will obviously never learn, I really shouldn't go alone...and here is why!

I woke up Friday morning, and when I say I woke up, what I mean is that I was able to sleep in because I took the day off.  My appointment was at 11:00 a.m.  So I ended up taking off the whole day.

I woke up and got ready.  I had sweet friends that wished me luck, and it made me feel so loved.  It means the world to me.  Kate called me to wish me off, and we chatted as I was getting ready to hit the road.  But then...as Kate and I were talking this happened:

Samm: "wait. stop. crap.  I can't find my meds.  I am supposed to take 800 milligrams of Motrin and hour before.  Where are my meds?  Kate, I have the meds.  Where are they?  I bought Motrin last time."

Kate:  "Are you looking?"

Samm: "Yes"  (meanwhile I am frantically throwing meds out of the medicine cabinet, finding nothing)  "I can't find them.  It's 10.  I am going to be late.  Ugggggg"

Kate:  "Take Advil.  I think it's the same."

Then I think I said a bad word or two...

Samm: "Ugh.  I am so dumb!  I will just stop by the store on the way."

Kate:  "Okay.  But I think it's the same."

So...we begin to talk again.  I get in my car.

Samm:  I probably said another bad word at this point because I just realized at this moment that I can't find my keys.  "Errrrrgh!!!!!!!!  Where are my keys?!?"

Kate:  "I dunno?"

Samm:  "I have to go.  I can't find my keys.  I've lost my mind."

At this point I am now late.  It's 10:15 and I should have left by 10 and taken my meds by then too.

So, I got to the grocery store. 

Kate was right.  I asked the pharmacist.  Motrin and Advil are the same.  I quickly grab the pills, and head for something to drink so I can wash it down.  Because I am a genius, I decide I will wash it down with soda because it is 10:30 now which means I am 30 minutes late taking my meds.  Soda will break down the meds faster, right?  Cuz it has a high Ph balance.  No, bad logic, but why not?  I like soda so I tell myself that.  See...Genius!

As I open the refrigerator door, 4 sodas fly out, hit the ground and bust open...all over me...and all over the floor.  I am late.  Really late.   ...but I can't just leave the mess there for the lady to clean up.  That's so inconsiderate.  So what do I do?  I help clean up.  Now I am really late.

I pay and run out.

I get in my car.  Open pills, throw 4 pills in my mouth (they are each 200 milligrams), down some soda, turn on car, and I'm off...

I get on the freeway going way too fast.  And then it hits me.  (And that's when I begin to talk to myself.  Here is the conversation I have with myself)  Was I supposed to take 800 milligrams?  Is that what the doctor said?  Maybe it was 400.  Crap.  Did I just take way too many?  Wait.  Could this be really bad, or just maybe an oops?  You can't over dose on Advil, can you?  YES, STUPID, of course you can.  Of course.  It's medicine.  But 800 milligrams isn't that much...right?  Box says do not exceed 6 pills per day.  I just took 4.  Crap.  Do I need to throw this up?  Call aunt.

Aunt:  "Hello?"

Samm: "Please tell me 800 milligrams is not a lot of Advil to take in one sitting." 

Aunt: "No.  It's not.  Uncle Rick takes that much sometimes."

Samm:  "Oh, good...cuz I just did that.  I am late."

Aunt:  "Wait.  What were you planning to do if I said that was too much Advil to take?"

Samm:  "Turn around and to go to get my stomach pumped. Haha."

Then we talked or a minute and she made fun of me....

I drove really fast and made it on time.  I do not know HOW I made it.

When I got there I did the usual: blood test, blood pressure, etc...and then disrobed.  So fun.  I am always being violated.


The nurse asked me if I was excited. She has a sense of humor.  My nurse then reminds me that because I brought no one with me I am not allowed to have the good meds.  ( I have to have another driver to drive me)  Gee.  Thanks for rubbing it in.  I think next time I will just pay the bum outside to walk in with me.  Haha.  Could you imagine?  "Ya...he's my ride."

Doctor comes in.

Samm:  "Hey Doctor Pain."

Doctor:  "What?  No fair.  Have I hurt you yet?"

Samm:  "No, but you are going to.  Razors typically suck."

Doctor:  "Who did this last time?"

Samm: "Nurse Joan."

Doctor:  "I'm better."

Samm:  "Oh.  Doctor Modesty."  ( I laugh...he does too)

Doctor:  "Want your early Christmas gift?"

Samm: "Uhhhh, yes."

Doctor:  "Okay." :)

Okay...so seriously...he is awesome.  He is so good.  Pretty much best at his job in the world, I think.  I'm sorry, but if you can make me laugh while you are inflicting serious pain...you just win some kind of award.

So he says..."let's count down from 10 together and all the pain will be gone."

"10...(me) it freaking hurts..."

"9...(me) I might say a bad word..."

"8...(doctor) I'll forgive you..."

"7...(me) This really sucks."

"6...(nurse) It will all be worth it..."

"5 (me) ...-4-3-2-1..."

"4 (doctor)...hahaha..."

"3..."

"2..."

"1..."

Doctor:  See that wasn't so bad was it?"

Samm:  "It freaking sucked."

Doctor:  "But not as bad as last time, right?"

Samm:  "No.  You win.  But it still sucked."

Doctor:  "Those were contractions.  You just had contractions.  That's what happens when you are in labor.

Samm:  "Get away from me.  I changed my mind.  No babies for me."

Then he took me in his office.  He asked me when I wanted to do IVF.  I told him as soon as possible.   He said what about January.  I said "yes, please!"

SO he scheduled me.  He scheduled me for IVF in January.  "But what about the biopsy?" I asked.  "The chances of it coming back bad are low."  "So, we are planning for January, then?  I mean unless it's bad?" I ask.  "Yup," he says.

He then tells Maria to order my meds.

"We're doing this?"  I say.

He smiles.  "Yup."

...we're doing this...unless the results are bad.

I'm excited.  But I am also really nervous about the results.  I typically get bad news...

My hopes are officially up.

If it works...baby in late September... (See...my hopes are up.  I shouldn't even know that).