Month 2...COMPLETE!!!! :)

Yipee!!!  Month 2 has come to an end.  I just received my very last injection for this month.  That means only 1 more month of injections.  Month 3 is the worst month, though...you have to have double the injections, so it sucks.  Right now I am only focused on the positive...I don't have to have another injection for a WHOLE week!!! :)  ..and when you get them daily...THAT'S a big deal!!!  I SO HAPPY!!!

I talked to my fertility case holder the other day while ordering more medicine.  I am starting to get nervous about my biopsy.  I have been in the process of this biopsy since JULY!  Planning...injecting...all in anticipation that it will work.  I was just told recently that my biopsy will take place in late November.  They base the date on all of the preparations...so I just got my date the other day.  (P.S. Anyone wanna drive me there and back so I can have the SUPER good drugs?  Razoring your uterus=not fun!)  Since the biopsy takes place in late November, my case holder told me I will get my results 2 or 3 weeks into December.

Oh. JOY.  I thought to myself.  CHRISTMAS?

So...I'm going to get the results days before Christmas?  I think that's terrible timing.  When I said that over the phone she told me it was just coincidence, and that, obviously I cannot plan for this.  It's all up to my body...and my body has hated me thus far...sooo...the thought of a Christmas phone call frightens me? 

She also told me that this has ALWAYS worked...which I am not sure is good or bad to hear.

You see...I've been preparing myself for the absolute worse.  I have contemplated adoption, etc. if this all doesn't pan out.  I kept telling myself "this probably won't work."  ...you know...my motto in life...start off depressed and then everything is a pleasant surprise.  I know it sounds pessimistic, but it works.  So, don't knock it.

I'm not having a pity party.  I just preparing myself.  I can't get my hopes up.  I just can't.

Then, the other day, she said "this ALWAYS works."  And at that moment she doomed me.  Not on purpose, but she did.  Because I felt myself get my hopes up.  I did.

I called my friend, and my husband.  Operation "don't get your hopes up."- FAILURE!

I told her on the phone, "Maria, I am the exception to EVERY rule.  You know that!"  She laughed.  She said..."Don't think that way.  It's gonna work this time."

See...I told you...FAILURE!

I am officially vulnerable.  Keeping it cool has vanished.  I am both anticipating and dreading Christmas. 

Christmas 2012 could either be reaaallll good, or absolutely devastating for me...and it's just messing me up right now.

Okay...but on a funny note...these meds make me more assertive than usual...which has entertained my husband quite a bit lately...especially when we're at his family birthday dinner and I've had quite enough of political bashing and Fox 11 news reruns from the mouths of my in-laws...most notably my in-laws bashing my every belief at the dinner table...and my mother-in-law...telling me I am pro-abortion (which, is a fallacy, mind you...I don't know anyone who is pro-abortion)...AND all of this AT A BIRTHDAY DINNER, no less.  ...and when I'd usually just sit there and ignore it.  ...but this time, I just kinda snapped, and the next minute it's silent...and now I'm just sitting there with an eyebrow raised...oops. :)  So, was it 8 years of dealing with all of this bullshit or my meds?  Guess we'll never know... ;)

I also look like a fattie.  Thank you hormones. :)

You gotta laugh...laughter is all we've got.  You laugh or you cry...for now, I laugh.

So, pray for me.  Maybe not prayers that this will all work.  Maybe it's not meant to be...although, if I was REALLY all about listening to God, I suppose I wouldn't be intervening like I am.

Maybe just pray that I will be happy no matter what happens.  That I will find my happiness.  That I will be okay.  That's what I need from you, friends.

I love you guys.  Thanks for being there.